Iโve been thinking about making a journal for more than two years, but thinking and doing are two very different things. Iโve had several false startsโeach time something seemingly more urgent popping upโI think to myselfโIโll start this later, but in this moment I need to focus on โโโ.
This notion of trading activities that keep the internal compass pointed in the right direction for things like email, slack, instagram, etc. is really a crappy trade, but sadly itโs an easy one to make. And to make things worse, we pressure each other to do it all the time because of our jobs. The notion of โdoing something laterโ could easily be a stand in phrase for โlazinessโ or โavoidanceโ even when filling the space with what could be considered โwork.โ The ugly truth isโฆ things that keep the internal compass pointed in the right direction are generally super-difficult and time consuming endeavors that are fun to think and straight up hard to doโthere is no instant gratification. So, we settle for little dopamine spikes on instagram and netflix instead of digging into the difficult, long-term stuff. I wish it wasnโt so hard to change bad habits or practices that do us more harm than goodโor to create good habits! Unfortunately, our networked world is crushing our ability to wait comfortablyโto linger on one thing, to slow downโit seems now we need special training for those things. Iโve always been a sucker for irony, but this idea of doing something because you donโt want to do it in this context (a journal for me, where I sit and write) makes sense for so many reasonsโespecially in the midst of a global pandemic. We get in so deep with daily distractions sometimes it feels almost impossible to figure out the things we actually want to do in our lives, who we want to spend our time with, etcโฆ Ironically, if we do get time to figure out what we really want to do, we are often deterred by the challenge of standing and the base of that mountain, searching for a peak so high itโs hidden in the clouds.
Entries scribbled near-illegibly in my sketchbook recentlyโcries for myself to help โฆ myself:
I still look good
I still feel good
I still feel passion
Iโm not fucking done
I can work through this
Itโs ok for something to take a long time
Allow yourself to take the timeโitโs not a luxury, itโs a necessity
Slow everything down
Lingerโinvestigate
Stop rushing through everything you do
Gratification is not meant to be instant
Stop expecting everything to be better immediatelyโitโs notโitโs a process
Stop fearing judgment from othersโespecially anyone thatโs not a close friend or immediate family
why journal?